I’ve always loved Oprah Winfrey and have followed her work through the years. I was in awe of her as she publicly confronted her shame of being overweight. She has always been courageous and honest about the struggles she regularly experiences to lose weight and maintain her weight loss. There came a point in her journey where she decided to make peace with her body. When she became the spokesperson for Weight Watchers, she thought she had found the ideal approach for her lifestyle. Then she was recently photographed at The Color Purple movie premiere wearing the most gorgeous purple gown and showing the world her thinner body. I felt jealous and envious. Something was very different!

I have struggled with my weight and body image since I was a young girl. I gained a considerable amount of weight after my late husband passed away 13 years ago. I have started several weight loss programs—some more successful than others. I work out with a trainer three times a week and walk a minimum of four times each week. I am conscious of how much I eat and drink. I am aware of what is going in my mouth, and quite frankly, I am not as committed to a daily “less is more” regime as I was when I was a younger woman. So losing the weight and keeping it off has been very difficult. More times than not, I have thrown the towel in, choosing instead to be as fit as possible while carrying extra pounds. The extra weight over the past 13 years, however, has had a cumulative negative effect on my knees and joints.

When we were in India last month, I had an AHA/Oprah moment while in the spiritual city of Varanasi. The last two days of our tour were in Varanasi which included a sunset tour along the Ganges. I had injured my left knee and IT band during the first half of our journey in India. To cope, I wore my knee brace, took Advil, and regularly used one of my walking sticks. As we walked from our tour bus to the dock to get on the boat that would take us along the Ganges River, I felt very vulnerable. As I descended the uneven stairs, I needed help from my partner because negotiating those steps was difficult. I also needed help from others to get on the boat. Stepping down into the small boat was very painful. I felt so embarrassed and ashamed—imagining people thinking that if I were thinner, I wouldn’t need help. I was also very concerned that if something were to happen, I wouldn’t be able to run for safety. This was the first time in all my world travels that I felt such vulnerability—that I didn’t trust my body to get me to safety in a crisis.

As the boat began to sail into the sunset, I recognized that I needed to calm down and find inner peace. I closed my eyes and remembered listening to Ram Dass chant “Sri Ram Jaya Ram Jaya Jaya Ram”. Please click on the YouTube link at the end to hear Ram Dass chanting this beautiful mantra. This mantra is often chanted as a form of prayer or meditation, and is believed to bring blessings, peace, and spiritual upliftment to the person who chants it. On the Ganges, I experienced an awakening—it was time to choose health and well-being—now.

My trainer recommends that I see a sports medicine MD and have tests done to determine what exactly is causing my problems. I have an appointment in two weeks. I can no longer travel with knees that I cannot count on to carry me through my walks, stair climbing, etc. Nor can I demand so much from my knees and joints. During her ABC special on weight loss earlier this week, Oprah was candid about the approaches she took in the last year to achieve her weight loss. She has inspired me to give semaglutides a try. I’ve made an appointment for early April with my doctor who administers the shots.

My weight and body image have long been an albatross around my neck— going back to the age of eight when I was teased unmercifully by a neighbor boy for being fat and ugly. And the culture I’ve grown up in has been cruel and relentless in telling women how they need to look, think, and be. At this stage of my life, it’s no longer about fitting in and looking good. It’s about being fit and physically strong as I age. It’s also a matter of being able to count on my body to protect me. And my body needs me to make the best possible choices for her and me. There’s a big world out there and I plan to see as much of it as I can in the years ahead.